Brilliant on Presale for $2.99

Release of Brilliant

May 4, 2018
13 days to go.

iCrew Publishing Catalog

Books from iCrew Digital

Home of iCrew Digital Productions Publishing

Bringing New Authors to the Digital World. If you are an Independent Author with a project that needs that last push to get it onto the market, contact me at icrewdigital@gmail.com or visit icrewdigitalpublishing.com

The following article appeared on the San Diego Writers/Editors Guild Website and was the Feature Article in the July Newsletter of the Publishers and Writers of San Diego

Ideas for Independent Publishers:

Amazon Author Central

Author_Central

by Rick Lakin, SDW/EG member and Publisher at iCrewDigitalPublishing.com

Caroline McCullagh

Author Page for Caroline McCullagh, Award-Winning Author of The Ivory Caribou, http://amazon.com/author/carolinemccullagh

 

Establishing an author page at Amazon Author Central is critical to the success of authors who have self-published multiple titles on Amazon and Createspace. Author Central provides one-stop shopping for your books along with your picture, your bio, blog entries from your website, social media opportunities, and a calendar of events for upcoming book signings.

In addition, Author Central provides a tailored link atamazon.com/author/yourname. The most important hyperlink on the Amazon Sales page of your book is your author name under the title. If you have written a book that your readers like, that will be the first link that they click on when they return to that page. Without Author Central, Amazon chooses which books they think the reader might find interesting, and it is only by chance that some of those are your books. With Author Central, you control the Point-of-Sale for your books, critical to your success as an author.

Creating your Author Central Page

For my iCrew Authors, I begin by creating a gmail address for use in setting up the webpage, Twitter account, and Amazon Account for the author page. If you already have an Amazon Account, go to http:authorcentral.amazon.com, sign in, and click Join Now, and you will be directed to your setup page.

Type in your bio, your blog information, add photos, event dates, and information and even videos like book trailers and interviews. Generally, the first photo is your profile photo but you can manage which photo appears there. The blog entry is your RSS address from your website. For WordPress blogs this ishttp://yourblog.com/feed/. It will verify your feed, and your most recent blog posts will now show on your Author Central page. You will be able to select the unique author name for your URL (Universal Resource Locator – your link).

The next very important step is to add your books. If they are listed on Amazon or CreateSpace, they should show up automatically. Just click the add button, if necessary. There is a search link for any books that don’t show up. You may search by title, author, or ISBN.   At this point, I remind authors that it is critical that they use the same byline for all of their books. A nickname or a different initial creates confusion in the market place.

Other Information Available

After your Author Central page is set up, go back and visit frequently using theauthorcentral.amazon.com sign in. Here, you will be able to update information and add new books. It is also a central database for your book sales and reviews. The Sales Info offers Nielsen BookScan, Sales Rank by books, and your Author Rank.   It also lists Customer Reviews for all of your books.

Author Central, an Essential Tool

An author who is an independent publisher (avoid the term self-published to avoid grouping yourself with all of those other self-published authors) faces many challenges including good editing, wide distribution, social media, but most important marketing. Amazon provides a point-of-sale to millions of authors for tens of millions of books. Readers judge a book by its cover but also by the marketing presence of the author. Amazon’s Author Central allows you to control your point-of-sale and hence, your marketing presence on the biggest marketplace in the publishing world.

Rick Lakin is the publisher at iCrewDigitalPublishing.com, Bringing New Authors to a Digital World. iCrew has published over 20 books by 8 authors. Rick is the host of The Rick Lakin Podcast at http://ricklakin.podbean.com. He is the founder of iCrew Digital Productions, A Community of Young Media Professionals. He is a member of the 1000 Club of the National Association of Sports Public Address Announcers. Rick is an Advanced Communicator Silver in Toastmasters International and is a member of American Mensa, the San Diego Writers and Editors Guild, and Publishers and Writers of San Diego.   Rick is a Sports Statistician for broadcast television and a retired math teacher.

About Rick Lakin

Rick Lakin is the author of Brilliant, an upcoming young adult science fiction romance and the publisher at iCrewDigitalPublishing.com, Bringing New Authors to a Digital World. iCrew has published 35 books by 11 authors. Rick has been an optimist for almost two years and is the district webmaster as calso41.us. He is the founder of iCrew Digital Productions, A Community of Young Media Professionals and a member of the 1000 Club of the National Association of Sports Public Address Announcers. Rick is an Advanced Communicator Silver in Toastmasters International and is a member of American Mensa. Rick works as a Sports Statistician for broadcast television and is a retired math teacher. He lives in Southern California but his roots are in Columbus, Ohio, home of The Ohio State University Buckeyes.

About Rick Lakin

Rick Lakin is the author of Brilliant, an upcoming young adult science fiction romance and the publisher at iCrewDigitalPublishing.com, Bringing New Authors to a Digital World. iCrew has published 35 books by 11 authors. Rick has been an optimist for almost two years and is the district webmaster as calso41.us. He is the founder of iCrew Digital Productions, A Community of Young Media Professionals and a member of the 1000 Club of the National Association of Sports Public Address Announcers. Rick is an Advanced Communicator Silver in Toastmasters International and is a member of American Mensa. Rick works as a Sports Statistician for broadcast television and is a retired math teacher. He lives in Southern California but his roots are in Columbus, Ohio, home of The Ohio State University Buckeyes.

 

From a Facebook Friend: I don’t hate Obama, I simply believe he is destroying what made the US great. In that regard, he has, unfortunately, been somewhat successful…now we need to rebuild what will make us great again…Again, unfortunately, neither presidential candidate seems up to the task.

So, what was it that made America Great?

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I believe it was the immigrants who took advantage of the educational system and the entrepreneurial opportunities and created new avenues to growth. You know, the educational system that your Republican Party is trying to defund and destroy.
I believe it was the unions that my father and I were members of that allowed workers to earn a living wage and move into the middle class. You know, the ones that the Republican Party is trying to destroy.
I believe that it is the Constitution that guarantees the right to vote, the right to fair representation, the right to be treated equally and fairly and the right to control your own body. You know, the one that your Republican Party is trying to pervert with voter suppression, gerrymandering, institutional discrimination, and oppression of women.
When I served my country as a sailor and a teacher, I did it for every man, woman and child of every religion and color to have a future. Not so that the same old groups from the past could have their power, their money, their prejudices, and, of course, their guns.
I believe that my America is still great and my President is one of the reasons why.
Happy Independence Day, the day that we remember that America is Still Great.

 

 

About Rick Lakin

Rick Lakin is the author of Brilliant, an upcoming young adult science fiction romance and the publisher at iCrewDigitalPublishing.com, Bringing New Authors to a Digital World. iCrew has published 35 books by 11 authors. Rick has been an optimist for almost two years and is the district webmaster as calso41.us. He is the founder of iCrew Digital Productions, A Community of Young Media Professionals and a member of the 1000 Club of the National Association of Sports Public Address Announcers. Rick is an Advanced Communicator Silver in Toastmasters International and is a member of American Mensa. Rick works as a Sports Statistician for broadcast television and is a retired math teacher. He lives in Southern California but his roots are in Columbus, Ohio, home of The Ohio State University Buckeyes.

Muhammad Ali

He was the prototypical angry black man.  He wanted something that people of his color thought they deserved.  He wanted more than what the white culture of the time was willing to give him.  Respect.  Respect for his religion. Respect for his view that war was unjust.  Respect for his humanity.  Respect for his race.  Respect for his chosen name.  At no small sacrifice, he earned that respect for himself and for more than just himself.

More than 20 years ago, I was working an evening basketball game following an afternoon fight shown on ABC Sports.  We were just coming into the arena.  The fights had been over for almost an hour.  At that moment, The Greatest, then hobbled by Parkinson’s disease was slowly shuffling out of the arena.   The remaining crowd stood waiting for just this moment in quiet reverence as my fellow crew members and I did.  It was a mark of respect earned at great cost by an athlete who had no equal and a man whose greatness outside the ring earned respect and equality for so many.

About Rick Lakin

Rick Lakin is the author of Brilliant, an upcoming young adult science fiction romance and the publisher at iCrewDigitalPublishing.com, Bringing New Authors to a Digital World. iCrew has published 35 books by 11 authors. Rick has been an optimist for almost two years and is the district webmaster as calso41.us. He is the founder of iCrew Digital Productions, A Community of Young Media Professionals and a member of the 1000 Club of the National Association of Sports Public Address Announcers. Rick is an Advanced Communicator Silver in Toastmasters International and is a member of American Mensa. Rick works as a Sports Statistician for broadcast television and is a retired math teacher. He lives in Southern California but his roots are in Columbus, Ohio, home of The Ohio State University Buckeyes.

On two occasions in the last several days, I have had the opportunity to listen to a Donald Trump performance in its entirety. The first was his speech in Maine following the Romney speech last Thursday. I listened to it uninterrupted on satellite radio. The second was just now in Jupiter, Fl as he acknowledged wins in Michigan and Mississippi. I was enthralled and riveted each time by the quality of his performance. In each case, the Republicans, the Democrats and the media judged his performance as a political speech. In so doing they were unable to evaluate the quality, preparation, deliver and content of Trump’s performances.

A political speech consists of paragraphs separated by moments in which the listener has time to think. The listener might evaluate, support, or think badly about the point that the speaker just made. Donald Trump’s prose cannot be evaluated in that manner. His speeches are timed so that the listener doesn’t have a moment to think about the point just made. At the same time Trump says something objectionable about one subject he comes back with a patriotic or obviously supportable statement bumped up against it. The easiest comparison is pure standup comedy where the performer says something leading to an expected conclusion and then delivers a totally unexpected punchline.

Many pundits accuse Trump of speaking off-the-cuff, off the top of his head. It is my contention that Trump’s performance is extremely well written, extremely well rehearsed and extremely well timed.

It can be argued that Hillary Clinton is a very smart individual but I would suggest that Donald Trump from a pure IQ standpoint is much smarter. He is able to think and react in real-time much like we saw with Robin Williams although Williams was a magnitude smarter.

As an experienced television entertainer, Donald Trump is pursuing the nomination for the Republican Party in the same way that he pursues high ratings on his television show. Instead of viewership, he is getting votes. If you look at his campaign in those terms you can see that his opponents are attempting to win against a political opponent while facing a performer extraordinaire who uses their degrading remarks and their attacks to make viewers sympathetic to his point of view by simply leaving them entertained. In other words he is playing an entirely different game than his opponents and he is beating them in a way that they clearly don’t understand.

What does Donald Trump believe in? He believes that he can make America great again. He believes that he can be completely successful at whatever he attempts. He believes that he can achieve a goal without respect to method or the blockades that he has to surmount. He is a 100% pragmatist. That puts him totally in opposition to the GOP establishment which demands ideological purity from all of its candidates. I believe that Donald Trump has the best interests of our country in mind and I believe there’s a good chance that if he is elected he will be a successful president. I believe that there is a very good chance that he will achieve residence in the White House. Nonetheless, I will still vote Democratic in the election because I feel it is absolutely necessary for us to have a progressive supreme Court.

Nonetheless, I believe that at the end of this election cycle the Republican party will look much different than it does now. Whether that is an improvement or the end of the party as we know it is undetermined. Therefore I urge you to pay as much attention as you possibly can and vote. Historians will have a field day with the history that we are making over the next few months.

About Rick Lakin

Rick Lakin is the author of Brilliant, an upcoming young adult science fiction romance and the publisher at iCrewDigitalPublishing.com, Bringing New Authors to a Digital World. iCrew has published 35 books by 11 authors. Rick has been an optimist for almost two years and is the district webmaster as calso41.us. He is the founder of iCrew Digital Productions, A Community of Young Media Professionals and a member of the 1000 Club of the National Association of Sports Public Address Announcers. Rick is an Advanced Communicator Silver in Toastmasters International and is a member of American Mensa. Rick works as a Sports Statistician for broadcast television and is a retired math teacher. He lives in Southern California but his roots are in Columbus, Ohio, home of The Ohio State University Buckeyes.

Many will mark this first week of March, 2016, as the beginning of the end of the GOP as it is currently constructed. The party has a terminal disease and its end will probably be marked as November 8, 2016.

What will that end look like? The headline will surely say that Hillary Clinton will be president. It is extremely likely that she will have a Democrat-controlled Senate. It is less likely but highly probable that the House will be under Democrat control.

In actuality, the true damage will be illustrated by a number of factions that will begin to go their separate ways. The Tea Party, the evangelicals, and the moderates in the former GOP will be looking for new leadership and a new direction. Each faction will look to form a national party with the intention of being the successor to the old Party of Lincoln. Two other factions will seek to choose sides and determine the winner, the conservative media and the billionaire donors.
At that time, also, the post-mortems will begin. Fingers will be pointed and blame will be placed. Of course, none of those factions will take the share of the blame which they most richly deserve.
Others will apply their erudite analysis to the underlying causes of why this huge political animal suffered such a sudden and dramatic death by eating itself alive.
I would like to propose some root causes for the self-destruction of the party that I so admired during the time of Reagan.

1. Adversarial Foreign Policy. This is the concept that found its roots in the Eisenhower administration in the 1950sbwith the Domino Theory and evolved into the concept that America could only be strong only if it was facing a strong enemy, be it Kruschev, Castro, Ho Chi Min, Mao Tse Tong, Castro some more, the Soviet Union, Moammar Khadafi, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden and now Bashar al-Assad. It is possible that Republicans over the years have shifted their focus from Enemies Foreign to Enemies Domestic such as Jimmy Carter, Bill and Hillary Clinton and of course the arch-enemy Barack Hussein Obama. It is my belief that this philosophy has led to the destructive partisanship that has contributed to the fall of the Republican Party.

2. The Southern Strategy. Originated in 1968 by the Nixon campaign, the GOP surrendered the black vote to the democrats and pursued the white vote by demonizing the blacks and catering to the Southern Whites. Currently, it is most effectively recognized as dog whistles referring to policies that sound positive and democratic but usually have a discriminatory purpose such as voter suppression, states rights, and religious liberty. The problem is that this strategy only worked only as long as white male voters were in the majority. Demographics have changed greatly.

3. If we tell voters the truth about what we really believe, no one will vote for us. This began during the time of Reagan with the Laffer Curve, Voodoo economics and trickle-down. The core Republican policies served the donors and the constituency but was sold to the electorate by lies.

4. The end of the Fairness Doctrine and the emergence of the Conservative Media. The Fairness Doctrine was a policy of the United States Federal Communications Commission (FCC), introduced in 1949, that required the holders of broadcast licenses both to present controversial issues of public importance and to do so in a manner that was—in the Commission’s view—honest, equitable, and balanced. (WikiPedia) The Fairness Doctrine ended in 1987 and Rush Limbaugh went national in 1988. Fox News even adopted the slogan of the Fairness Doctrine by calling their coverage “fair and balanced”.

5. Republicans as the “holier than thou” party. The rise of the Religious Right goes back to the mid-90s when evangelical Christians became active in supporting Republicans. In exchange, the party offered the Pro-Life anti-abortion issue. The party that favors war, the death penalty, is opposed to universal health care and a living wage became the Pro-Life party.

6. Republicans began to believe the lie. Barack Obama was elected in 2008 and it seemed to open the floodgates of overt racism. The word muslim was a dog whistle for ni**er. Conservatives truly believed that the presidency of a black American could not be legitimate. Extreme partisanship became the rule of the day. Originalism and going back to the Constitution became the rationale for conservatives to reject our country’s liberal principles.

Many will rightly point to individuals in the Conservative movement to helped bring about its downfall in particular Donald Trump. Trump is simply an opportunistic actor who brought focus to the destructive forces and removed the last block and tumbled the pyramid.

It is now up to the pundits to predict the future and for the historians to predict the past.

About Rick Lakin

Rick Lakin is the author of Brilliant, an upcoming young adult science fiction romance and the publisher at iCrewDigitalPublishing.com, Bringing New Authors to a Digital World. iCrew has published 35 books by 11 authors. Rick has been an optimist for almost two years and is the district webmaster as calso41.us. He is the founder of iCrew Digital Productions, A Community of Young Media Professionals and a member of the 1000 Club of the National Association of Sports Public Address Announcers. Rick is an Advanced Communicator Silver in Toastmasters International and is a member of American Mensa. Rick works as a Sports Statistician for broadcast television and is a retired math teacher. He lives in Southern California but his roots are in Columbus, Ohio, home of The Ohio State University Buckeyes.

For my author friends, here are some Facebook Groups to join and then add your book to promote it.  I just copy and paste the Amazon.com URL and the book cover automatically appears.

 

·       The Kindle Book
Library

·       Kindle e Books –
Free – $2.99

·       AMAZON / BOOK /
KINDLE / EBOOK READERS

·       Kindle readers
and authors.

·       Books Gone Viral

·       Book Chat Group

·       BOOK EBOOK
AMAZON KINDLE

·       Support An
Author

·       All Things Books

·       Free Books on
Kindle, Nook, and More!

·       Amazon Kindle
Book Sharing Club

·       San Diego,
Past-Present-Future

·       Amazing Cheap
Books

·       FREE BOOKS!!

·       Kindle Books

·       Celebrating
Chula Vista

·       Kindle Unlimited

·       South San Diego
Swap Meet

·       South Bay Steals
And Giveaways!

·       Author Promo and
Book Sales Group

·       Promote Your
Books

·       BOOK PROMOTION

·       POST YOUR BIZ
OPP HERE AND BE FREE

·       PROMOTE YOUR
BUSINESS FREE

·       PROMOTE YOURSELF

·       Kindle Unlimited

·       EBooks Gone
Viral

·       Ebooks on Amazon

·       Amazon Kindle
Goodreads

·       Written a story,
what’s the next step?

·       Romance & Thrillers
Group

·       K&R BOOK
BLOG

·       Indie Authors
International

·       The Literary
Lounge authors, writers, publishers, and illustrators

·       Kindle/Book Club

·       KindelMojo

·       Kindle Favorites
– Discuss your favorite books on Amazon Kindle

·       E Books Rock.

·       Book Reviews
& Promotion

·       Book Viral

·       Indie Author
Book Promotion Page

·       Book Lovers

·       BUSINESS…PAGES….GROUPS
ADVERTISINGS GROUP

·       Advertise your
online business,feel free to spam

·       Advertise with
Bernadette

·       Small Business
Marketing Network

·       20+

Add
to Favorites

·       Marketing Power
Group

·       Affiliate
Marketing/Work From Home

·       J.M. Northup’s
Book Group

·       Authors & Writers
Publicity

·       Be My Book
Boyfriend Pimp Group

·       EbooksNBooksPromosGroup

·       Cool Jerk &
Doc Splatter’s Happy Fun Land

·       Romance novels
ROCK

·       ADVERTISE YOUR
BUSINESSES, PAGES, OR GROUPS.

·       AuthorPreneurs

·       Paranormal
Publicity and Book Club

·       Literary Drive
By Promos

·       Online business
advertise free traffic

·       Advertise Your
MLM / Network Marketing Business

·       Advertise Online
business

·       Biggest MLM
Network Marketing Group In The World 2

·       Small Businesses

·       Advertise With
“Daily Net Pay”

·       Network
Marketing

·       ebooks99centsclub

·       Authors and
Publishers Group

·       Kindle World
Books

·       eBOOKS MEXICO!

·       Just Released
Books To Talk About

·       Promote your
business today!!

·       Awesome Free
Kindle Books Here!

·       SUP Chicks
So-Cal

·       Bargain ebooks

·       Euphrates
Bookstore

·       Advertise Your
Business Opportunity – Support The Community

·       The Book Authors
Club

·       Post ads Daily

·       Amazon Kindle

·       MY EBOOKS

·       WRITERS AND
ARTISTS SHARE!

·       eBookStage

·       Advertise your
Business Opportunity Free Here

·       Science Fiction
Fans UNITE!

·       Basement Rebels

 

About Rick Lakin

Rick Lakin is the author of Brilliant, an upcoming young adult science fiction romance and the publisher at iCrewDigitalPublishing.com, Bringing New Authors to a Digital World. iCrew has published 35 books by 11 authors. Rick has been an optimist for almost two years and is the district webmaster as calso41.us. He is the founder of iCrew Digital Productions, A Community of Young Media Professionals and a member of the 1000 Club of the National Association of Sports Public Address Announcers. Rick is an Advanced Communicator Silver in Toastmasters International and is a member of American Mensa. Rick works as a Sports Statistician for broadcast television and is a retired math teacher. He lives in Southern California but his roots are in Columbus, Ohio, home of The Ohio State University Buckeyes.

A few years ago, I created an audio transcription of Admiral Rickover’s Speech Energy Resources and Our Future

I posted this in memory of Theodore Rockwell, author of The Rickover Effect, who passed away in 2013.  He searched his files and provided me with the hard copy that I worked from.
Text of the Speech from Resilience.org
Original Audio Transcription at Resilience.org

 

About Rick Lakin

Rick Lakin is the author of Brilliant, an upcoming young adult science fiction romance and the publisher at iCrewDigitalPublishing.com, Bringing New Authors to a Digital World. iCrew has published 35 books by 11 authors. Rick has been an optimist for almost two years and is the district webmaster as calso41.us. He is the founder of iCrew Digital Productions, A Community of Young Media Professionals and a member of the 1000 Club of the National Association of Sports Public Address Announcers. Rick is an Advanced Communicator Silver in Toastmasters International and is a member of American Mensa. Rick works as a Sports Statistician for broadcast television and is a retired math teacher. He lives in Southern California but his roots are in Columbus, Ohio, home of The Ohio State University Buckeyes.

About Rick Lakin

Rick Lakin is the author of Brilliant, an upcoming young adult science fiction romance and the publisher at iCrewDigitalPublishing.com, Bringing New Authors to a Digital World. iCrew has published 35 books by 11 authors. Rick has been an optimist for almost two years and is the district webmaster as calso41.us. He is the founder of iCrew Digital Productions, A Community of Young Media Professionals and a member of the 1000 Club of the National Association of Sports Public Address Announcers. Rick is an Advanced Communicator Silver in Toastmasters International and is a member of American Mensa. Rick works as a Sports Statistician for broadcast television and is a retired math teacher. He lives in Southern California but his roots are in Columbus, Ohio, home of The Ohio State University Buckeyes.

If a man will go as far as he can see, he will be able to see farther when he gets there.
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The law of gravity holds that any object attempting to maintain a position in the atmosphere without something to support it must drop. The law of gravity supersedes the law of golf.
—Donald A. Metz
If a thing cannot be fitted into something smaller than itself some dope will do it.
—Eric F. Russell
If a thing is done wrong often enough, it becomes right.
–Richard A. Leary
If at first you don’t succeed, transform your data set.
If at first you don’t succeed, fry, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about things.
—W.C. Fields
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy Civilization.
—Gerald Weinberg
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
If facts do not conform to theory, they must be disposed of
—N.R.F. Maier
If good intentions are combined with stupidity, it is impossible to outthink them.
I —Marion J. Levy Jr.
If humanity profits from its mistakes, we have a glorious future coming up.
If it can be understood, it’s not finished yet.
—Paul Herbig
If it is generally known what one’s supposed to be doing, then someone will expect him to do it.
—Merle P. Martin
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. If it works well, they’ll stop making it. If it works, don’t fix it.
—William O’Neill
If lawyers are disbarred and clergy defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians are delighted; musicians are denoted; cowboys are deranged; models deposed; tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
—Virginia Ostman
If our standard of living gets much higher, most of us won’t be able to afford it.
If thou hast a loitering servant, send him forth on errand just before his dinner.
—Fuller
If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
Lawrence J. Peter
If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostilities
—Longfellow
If you are concerned about being criticized, you’re in the wrong job. However you vote, and whatever you do, somebody will be out there telling you that you are: (a) wrong, (b) insensitive, (c) a bleeding heart, (d) a pawn of somebody else, (e) too wishy-washy, (f) too unwilling to compromise, (g) all of the above–consistency is not required of critics.
Pierre S. du Pont
If you are to understand others, and have them understand you, know all the big words but use the small ones.
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, maybe you just don’t understand the situation.
If you can’t beat them, have them join you.
—Charles Wolf Jr.
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
—Harry S. Truman
If you develop rules, never have more than ten.
Donald Rumsfeld
If you don’t like the weather, move.
If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he’ll get rich or famous or both.
—James C. Hagerty
If you make people think they’re thinking, they’ll love you.; but if you really make them think they’ll hate you.
If you pick up a dog and make ham prosper he will not bite you. This is the basic difference between dogs and humans.
—Mark Twain
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
—Derek Bok
If you want to kill any idea in the world today, set a committee working on it.
—Charles F. Kettering
If you were a character string, your length would be zero.
If you were confident after you’ve just finished an exam, it’s because you don’t know enough to know better.
—Jay Weisman
If you’re ever right, never let ’em forget it.
—Edgar Fiedler
If your parents didn’t have any children, the odds are that you won’t have any,
Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary of fools
—Napoleon Bonaparte
In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.
In God we trust. All others pay cash.
In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take a man months to equal it.
In an undeveloped country don’t drink the water; in a developed country don’t breathe the air.
In every hierarchy, whether it be government or business, each employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence; every post tends to be filled by an employee incompetent to execute its duties. —Laurence J. Peter
In 1ife there is but one bad thing and one good; both of them are women.
In order to discover anything, you must be looking for something
—Harvey Neville
In order to get a loan, you must first prove that you don’t need it.
—John Cameron
In order to keep engineers and scientists cognizant of the importance of progress, load them down with forms, multiple reports, and frequent meetings
—Richard F. Moore
In order to make a person covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain.
—Samuel Clemens
In politics, an absurdity is not a handicap.
—Napoleon Bonaparte
In science the credit goes to the man who convinces the world. not to the man to whom the idea first occurs.
—Sir William Osler
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
–Franz Kafka
In times of crisis it is of utmost importance not to lose one’s head.
–Marie Antoinette
Infant care has to be learned from the bottom up.
Inflation is when the only thing free of charge is a rundown battery.
Information flows efficiently through organizations, except that bad news encounters high impedance in flowing upwards.
—Paul Gray
Interrogator’s lunch–grilled cheese.
—Raymond D. Love
It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
—Henry Allen
It is better to burn out than fade away.
—Neil Young
It is better to have nothing to· do than to be doing nothing
—Attilus
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
It is by acts and not by ideas that people live.
—Anatole France
It is customary for a decimal to be misplaced.
It is difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys.
It is good that the young are beautiful; it’s the only advantage they have.
—Duchess of Windsor
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
It is impossible to make people understand their ignorance, for it requires knowledge to perceive it and therefore, he that can perceive it hath it not
—Jeremy Taylor
It is in the nature of mobs to cheer fools.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.
—Seneca
It is not the disease but neglect of the remedy which generally destroys life.
It is not the quality of the meat, but the cheerfulness of the guests, that makes the feast.
—Lord Clarendon
It is often easier to earn money than it is to spend it wisely.
It is sometimes necessary to play the fool to avoid being deceived by cunning men.
—La Rochefoucauld
It is the great triumph of genius to make the common appear novel.
It is the height of absurdity to sow little but weeds in the first half of one’s lifetime and expect to harvest a valuable crop in the second half.
—Percy Johnson
It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier.
—Lazarus Long
It may be true that human beings make more mistakes than computers, but for a real foul up, give us a computer anytime.
It was one of those perfect surer days–the sun was shining, a breeze was blowing,
the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was broken. –James Dent
It’s a good idea to keep your words soft and sweet to the taste. You may have to
eat them.
It’s a sad house where the cock is silent and the hen crows.
It’s better to keep your mouth closed and be presumed a fool than to open it and
remove all doubt.
It’s so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the Devil when he is the only explanation of it.
JOB PLACEMENT: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
Jones’s Law: The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.
Keep cool; especially during meltdowns.
Knowledge is power.
LIGHTWEIGHT: Lighter than rugged.
LINEAR MODEL: Any assumption concerning the nature of reality applied unquestioningly to every relationship as though God had determined that truth must always run in straight lines.
Last guys don’t finish nice.
—Stanley Kelly
Law of Institutional Food: Everything is cold except what should be.
Law of Institutional Food: Everything, including the corn flakes, is greasy.
Law of Local Anesthesia: Never say “Oops” in the operating room.
—Dr. Leo Troy
Law of Social Dynamics: If, in the the course of several months, only three worthwhile social events take place, they will all fall on the same evening.
Laziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten.
—Phillip K. Saunders
Learn to be sincere…even if you have to fake it.
—Solomon Short
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let no man presume to give advice to others that has not first given good counsel to himself.
—Seneca
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Let us, then, be up and doing, with a heart for any fate; still achieving, still pursuing, learn to labor and to wait
—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Liberals don’t care what people do, as long as it’s compulsory.
Liberty doesn’t work as well in practice as it does in speeches.
—Will Rogers
Liberty is being free from the things we don’t like in order to be slaves to the things we do like.
—Ernest Benn
Life affords no higher pleasure than that of surmounting difficulties, passing from one step of success to another, forming new wishes and seeing them gratified.
—Samuel Johnson
Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this.
Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.
Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from non-practitioners.
—G.O. Ashley
Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.
—Lazarus Long
Little progress can be made merely by repressing what is bad. Our great hope lies in developing what is good.
—Bacon
Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.
—Joseph Wood Krutch
Love demands infinitely less than friendship.
—George Jean Nathan
Love laughs at locksmiths.
Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.
—Louise Beal
Love: the sole disease thou canst not cure.
—Alexander Pope
M.D. to patient: First the good news–you’re going to have a disease named after you.
MEETS QUALITY STANDARDS: Ours, not yours.
METHODOLOGICALLY UNSOUND: Using old methodology with which I am unfamiliar.
Machines should work. People should think.
—IBM motto
Make a wish, it might come true.
Make new friends but keep the old ones; one is silver and the other’s gold.
Make other people like themselves a little better and rest assured they’ll like you very much.
Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure there is one less rascal in the world.
—Thomas Carlyle
Malpractice makes malperfect. —Solomon Short
Man is by nature metaphysical and proud. He has gone so Far as to think that the idealistic creations of his mind, which correspond to his feelings, also represent reality.
—Claude Bernard
Man is forbidden to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. He acts against God’s command… From the standpoint of the Church, which represents authority, this is essentially sin. From the standpoint of man, however, this is the beginning of human freedom.
—Erich Fromm
Man shall never reach his full capacity while chained to the earth. We must take wing and conquer the heavens. —Icarus
Management is incapable of recognizing a true crisis. —Gene Franklin
Management will select actions or events and convert them to crises. It will then over-react.
—Gene Franklin
Mankind has become so much of one family that we cannot insure our own prosperity except by insuring that of everyone else. If you wish to be happy yourself, you must also resign yourself to seeing others also happy.
–Bertrand Russell
Mankind would be vastly poorer if it had not been for men who were willing to take risks against the longest odds. Even if it could be done, we would be foolish to try to stamp out this willingness in man to buck seemingly hopeless odds. Our problem is how to remain properly venturesome and experimental without making fools of ourselves.
—Bernard Baruch
Many a family tree needs a trimming.
Many live by their wits but few by their wit. (On the other hand, the witty man merely says what you would have said if you had thought of it.)
—Laurence J. Peter
Many politicians are in the habit of laying it down as a self-evident proposition that no people ought to be free till they are fit to use their freedom. The maxim is worthy of the fool, who resolved not to go into the water till he had learned to swim.
—Thomas Babington Macaulay
Marxist law of distribution of wealth: Shortages will be divided equally among the peasants.
Maternity pay? Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant
—Malcolm Smith
May the Great Camel of Paradise bestow upon you and yours a dropping.
May you get to Heaven a half hour before the Devil knows you’re dead.
Men are born with, two eyes, but with one tongue, in order that they should see twice as much as they say.
—Colton
Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves.
–Gene Fowler
Men fight for freedom; then they begin to accumulate laws to take it away from them.
Men must be either caressed or annihilated and the injury must be such that the
victim cannot pay you back for it. Whoever act otherwise is obliged to stand forever with a knife in his hand.
—Machiavelli
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
Mere longevity is a good thing for those who watch Life from the side lines. For those who play the game, an hour may be a year, a single day’s work an achievement for a lifetime.
—Gabriel Heatter
Metaphysics is the science of proving what we don’t understand.
—Josh Billings
Might may not be right, but it usually wins.
Miller’s Corollary: Objects are lost because people look where they aren’t instead of where they are.
Miraculous secret for the early recovery of patients: inflation.
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it
—Russell Baker
Monday’s an awful way to spend one-seventh of your life.
Money is a good servant…but a dangerous master.
—Bonhours
Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well.
Money is truthful. If a person speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
H.G. Wells
Most general statements are false–including this one.
—Edmund C. Berkeley
Most men have more courage than even they themselves think they have
—Grenville
Most of us will never do great things, but we can do small things in a great way.
Much that is dreadful and inhumane in history, much that one hardly likes to believe, is mitigated by the reflection that the one who commands and the one who carries out are different people. The former does not behold the sight and does not experience the strong impression on the imagination. The latter obeys a superior and therefore feels no responsibility for his acts.
—Frederick Nietzsche
Munroe’s Dictum: He that is without sin among you has been bored for a lllooonnnggg time.
Murphy’s Last Law: If nothing went wrong today, you are probably dead.
Murphy’s Law of Thermodynamics: Things get worse under pressure.
Murphy’s Law: Whatever can go wrong will.
Murphy’s Law: Whatever goes wrong gets worse.
My brother is an only child.
—Bennett Cerf
My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
My mother loved children–she would have given anything if I had been one
—Groucho Marx
My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
—Christopher Morley
NEW: different color from previous design.
NO MAINTAINANCE: impossible to fix.
Let’s club radioactive gay whales with native trees!
NULL HYPOTHESIS: The type of hypothesis used by a pessimist.
Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy.
For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to get creamed?
–Solomon Short
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Nature often enshrines gallant and noble hearts in weak bosoms–oftenest, God bless her! –in female breasts.
—Dickens
Needs are a function of what other people have.
Never appeal to a man’s “better nature.” He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.
—Lazarus Long
Never bow to authority, but always tip your hat.
—Jim Fiebig.
Never confuse motion with action.
—Benjamin Franklin
Never decide to buy anything while listening to the salesman.
—Edmund C. Berkeley.
Never do anything for the first time.
—Paul Herbis.
Never find your delight in another’s misfortune.
—Publius Syrus.
Never insult an alligator until after you’ve crossed the river.
—Cordell Hull.
Never invest in anything that eats, or needs repainting.
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
—Salvor Hardin.
Never say, “the White House wants”–Buildings don’t “want”
—Donald Rumsfeld.
Never say NO.
Never tamper with the truth. Never rationalize it. What you might like to believe is not necessarily the truth.
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will with their ingenuity surprise you.
—Gen George S. Patton.

This completes the collection. Merry Christmas!
Rick Lakin

About Rick Lakin

Rick Lakin is the author of Brilliant, an upcoming young adult science fiction romance and the publisher at iCrewDigitalPublishing.com, Bringing New Authors to a Digital World. iCrew has published 35 books by 11 authors. Rick has been an optimist for almost two years and is the district webmaster as calso41.us. He is the founder of iCrew Digital Productions, A Community of Young Media Professionals and a member of the 1000 Club of the National Association of Sports Public Address Announcers. Rick is an Advanced Communicator Silver in Toastmasters International and is a member of American Mensa. Rick works as a Sports Statistician for broadcast television and is a retired math teacher. He lives in Southern California but his roots are in Columbus, Ohio, home of The Ohio State University Buckeyes.