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That’s only true because it’s true.
When your client’s hopping mad; put his picture in the ad. If he still should prove refractory, add a picture of his factory.
The Banana Principle: Heuristic devices don’t tell you when to stop.
The Brain-Eye Law; To a certain extent, observational power can compensate for mental weakness.
The Diddle Factor changes things so that the equation and the universe appear to fit, without requiring any real change in either. This has the characteristic of eliminating differences by dropping the subject under discussion to zero importance.
The English laws punish vice; the Chinese laws do more, they reward virtue.
The Brain-Eye Law: To a certain extent, brainpower can make up for the lack of observational ability.
The First Commandment of Frisbee: The most powerful force in the world is that of a disk straining to land under a car, just beyond reach. This force is technically called “car sick”.
—Dan Roddick
The How Come It All Landed On Me Law: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
The Law of Fashion: the same dress is: indecent 10 years before its time, daring
1 year before its time, chic in its time, dowdy 3 years after its time, hideous 20 years after its time, amusing 30 years after its time, romantic 50 years after its time, and beautiful 100 years after its time. —James Laver
The Law of Too, Too, Solid Point: In any collection of data, the figure that is most obviously correct–beyond all checking–is the mistake.
The Lord giveth, Uncle Sam taketh away.
The Lump Law: If we want to learn anything, we mustn’t try to learn everything.
The Ninth Commandment of Frisbee: The higher your need to make a good catch, the greater probability your partner will deliver his worst throw. (If you can’t touch it, you can’t trick it.)
Dan Roddick
The Principal of Indifference: Laws should not depend on a particular choice of notation.
The absent are always in the wrong.
The absent are like children, helpless to defend themselves
—Charles Read
The absent are never without fault. Nor the present without excuse.
—Benjamin Franklin
The amount of flak on any subject is inversely proportional to the subjects true value.
The ancient sage who concocted the maxim, “Know thyself,” might have added, “Don’t tell anyone.”
—H.F. Henricks
The art of acceptance is the art of making someone who has just done you a small favor wish that he might have done you a greater one.
–Russell Lynes
The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook
—William James
The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change amid order.
—Alfred North Whitehead
The ass is still an ass, e’en though he wears a lion’s hide.
–Shakespeare
The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
The best index to a person’s character is (a) how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can’t fight back
—Abigail Van Buren
The best portion of a good man’s life: his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.
—Wadsworth
The best prophet of the future is the past.
The best substitute for experience is being sixteen.
The best time to look for work is after you get the job.
The best way out of a problem is through it.
The best way to get and keep good people is to give them room to grow.
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant–and to let the air out of the tires. —Dorothy Parker
The best way to keep your friends is to not give them away.
The biggest step you can take is the one you take when you meet the other person halfway.
The Bitter part of discretion is valor.
—Henry W. Nevinson
The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.
—Samuel Johnson
The chance of the bread falling buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
The chief defect of a democracy is that only the political party out of office knows how to run the government.
The cigarette smoke always drifts in the direction of the non-smoker, regardless of the direction of the breeze.
—Raj K. Dhawan
The conqueror is regarded with awe, the wise man commands our esteem, but it is the benevolent man who wins our affection.
The contest for ages has been to rescue liberty from the grasp of executive power.
—Daniel Webster
The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: “Of course it’s none of my business, but…” is to place, period after the word “but.” Don’t use excessive force in supp1ying such a moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.
—Lazarus Long
The cynic who doesn’t believe in anything still wants you to believe him.
The deficiency will never show itself during the dry runs
—Charles P. Boyle
The degree of failure is in direct proportion to the effort expended and to the need for success.
The degree of one’s emotion varies inversely with one’s knowledge of the facts; the less you know the hotter you get.
—Bertrand Russell
The desire for knowledge, 1ike, the thirst of riches, increases ever with the acquisition of it.
—Sterne
The devil knew not what he did when he made man politic.
—Shakespeare
The difference between a chef end a cook seems to be in who cleans up the kitchen.
I —Paul Sweeney
The difference between failure and success is doing a thing nearly right and exactly right.
—Edward Simmons
The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t.
The best security from a revolution is in constant correction of abuses and the introduction of needed improvements. It is the neglect of timely repair that makes rebuilding necessary.
—Richard Whately
The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning, while those other subjects merely require scholarship
—Lazarus Long
The dossier is not the person.
—Dr. John Gall
The easiest way way to figure cost of living is to take your income and add ten percent.
The easiest way Ito find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
—Jack Rosenbaum
The excesses of ‘ our youth are drafts upon our old age, payable with interest, about thirty years after date.
—Colton
The explanation requiring the fewest assumptions is the most likely to be correct.
The faith in which I was brought up assured me that I was better than other people; I was saved, they were damned…Our hymns were loaded with arrogance–self-congratulation on how cozy we were with the Almighty and what a high opinion He had of us, what hell everybody else would catch come judgment day.
—Robert A. Heinlein
The final answer will exceed the magnitude or precision or both of the calculator.
The firmest friendships have been formed in mutual adversity, as iron is most strongly welded by the fiercest fire.
The first 90 percent of the task takes 90 percent of the time, while the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.
The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. —Robert Heller
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
Do not handicap your children by making their 1ives easy.
–Lazarus Long
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Do whatever your enemies don’t want you to do.
—Gary Novak
Don’t ask the barber whether you need a haircut.
—Daniel S. Greenberg
Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
Don’t care if you are rich or not, as long as you can live comfortably and have everything you want.
Don’t look back, something might be following you.
—Satchel Page
Don’t malign the bug-eyed monster–Oh, he kidnaps girls, it’s true, but bear in mind that all he wants to do is what YOU’RE trying to do.
Don’t permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamp-post.
Don’t stop to stomp ants when the elephants are stampeding.
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation–as you grow o1der, it starts avoiding you.
—Old Farmers’ Almanac
Don’t worry if you’re a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.
Draw your salary before spending it.
Drink Canada Dry! You might not be able to, but it IS fun trying.
Dust breeds. \
Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. (On second thought, a bird in the hand is finger-licking good.
—Stanley C. Pearson
Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.
Edgar R. Fiedler
Electrician’s breakfast–ohmlettes. —Raymond D. Love
Enjoy your life. If you don’t, no one else will.

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