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Entropy has us outnumbered.
—Solomon Short
Epperson’s Law: when a man says it’s a silly, childish game, it’s probably something his wife can beat him at. .
Erma Bombeck’s Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Ertz’s observation: Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Ettorre’s observation: The other line moves faster.
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
Even if it can’t, it might.
Even paranoids have enemies.
Every man desires to live long, but no man desires to be old.
—Jonathon Swift
Every man has three characters–that which he exhibits, that which he has and that which he thinks he has.
Every man of genius is considerably helped by being dead.
Every man who is high up loves to think that he has done it all himself; and the wife smiles. and lets it go at that. —James Matthew Barrie
Everybody has 20/20 hindsight.
Everybody lies about sex.
Everybody should believe in something–I believe I’ll have another drink
—Mary Steele
Everything is for sale; only the price is negotiable.
Everything should be as simple as possible, but no simpler
—Albert Einstein
Examine the contents, not the bottle. —The Talmud
Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.
–John G. Pollard
Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
Experience is the one thing you have plenty of when you’re too old to get the job.
Experiments must be reproducible–they should always fail in the same way.
Exploit the inevitable (which means, take credit for anything good which happens whether you had anything to do with it or not).
FIELD TEST: Putting your software out to pasture.
FIELD TESTED: Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
FOOLPROOF OPERATION: No provision for adjustment.
FUTURISTIC: Can’t figure out another reason why it looks as it does.
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
—Aldous Huxley
Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form.
Finagle’s Creed: Science is truth: don’t be misled by the facts.
Find happiness in your work, or you may not find it anywhere else.
Fine’s Corollary: Functionality breeds contempt.
First draw your curves–then plot your data.
Looks fade. Are you willing to love the person when they’re ugly? Is their heart enough? Are their morals enough? Do your insides love their insides?
Ayiiia
Food that tastes the best has the highest calories.
Fools are certain, but wise men hesitate.
For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
—Richard Clopton
For every proverb that confidently asserts its little bit of wisdom, there is usually an equal and opposite proverb that contradicts it.
—Richard Boston
For perfect happiness, remember two things: Be content with what you’ve got. Be sure you’ve got plenty.
For the first time in history, one bag of groceries produces two bags of garbage.
—Robert Orben
For they can conquer who believe they can. —Virgil
Forecasting is very difficult, especially if it’s about the future
—Edgar R. Fiedler
Forget your opponents, always play against par.
—Sam Sneed
Fried’s 23rd Law: Ideas endure and prosper in inverse proportion to their soundness and validity.
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says, “I thought I was the only one.”
Friendships, like marriages, are dependent on avoiding the unforgivable.
—John D. MacDonald
—Rozanne Weissman
From the errors of others, a wise man corrects his own.
—Publilius Syrus
Fuch’s Warning: If you actually look like your passport photo, you aren’t well enough to travel.
Fudge Factor: A physical factor occasionally showing up in experiments as a result of stopp1ng a stopwatch a little early to compensate for reflex error.
Fudge Factor: The numeric factor by which experimental results must be multiplied
to be in agreement with theory.
GIGO: Garbage in, Gospel out.
Generally, the theories we believe we call facts, and the facts we disbelieve we call theories.
—Felix Cohen
Get ahead!!! You could use one.
Get a shot off FAST! This upsets him long enough to let you make your second shot perfect.
—Lazarus Long
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please
—Mark Twain
Give him an inch and he’ll screw you. —Dave Farber
Go kiss a Wookie!
Go where the money is.
—Bank robber Willie Sutton
God gives us relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.
Good judgment comes from experience. And experience–well that comes from having bad judgment.
“Greener’s Law: Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
HAND CRAFTED: Machine that is operated without gloves.
HIGH ACCURACY: Unit on which all parts fit.
HYPOTHESIS: A prediction based on theory formulated after an experiment is performed designed to account for the ludicrous series of events which have taken place.
Half of being smart is knowing what you’re dumb at.
—Solomon Short
Harris’s Law: Any: philosophy that can be put “in a nutshell” belongs there.
—James Gibbons Hunekerm
Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil.
—Machiavelli
Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.
—Robert Cody
He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation perfectly delightful.
—Sydney Smith
He hated to set precedents; those who do so were sometimes promoted, more frequently they joined their ancestors.
—Robert A. Heinlein
He that lives upon Hope dies farting.
—Benjamin Franklin
He that uses many words for the explaining of any subject, doth like the cuttlefish, hide himself for the most part in his own ink. —Ray
He that would have a cake out of the wheat must tarry the grinding.
—Shakespeare
He travels fastest who travel alone…but he hasn’t anything to do when he gets there.
He who can will. He who can’t, will teach.
—M.M. Johnston
He who envies another admits his own inferiorities.
He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
He who has not a good memory, should never take upon him the trade of lying.
He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
He who is most slow in making a promise is the most faithful in the performance of it.
–Rousseau
He who laughs last probably doesn’t understand the joke.
He who lives by the crystal ball soon learns to eat ground glass
—Edgar R. Fiedler
He who receives a good turn should never forget it; he who does one should never remember it.
—Charron
He who reforms himself has done more toward reforming the public than a crowd of noisy, impotent patriots.
— Johann Kaspar Lavater
Hell hath no fury like a computer scorned.
Hell hath no fury like a pacifist.
—Solomon Short
Hell is a place where the motorists are French, the policemen are German, the traffic patterns are Bostonian, and the cooks are English.
Hell is truth seen too late.
—H.G. Adams
Herman’s Rule: If it works right the first time, obviously you’ve done something wrong.
History proves nothing. I —Bill Gray
History repeats itself. That’s one of the things wrong with history
—Clarence Darrow
Honesty coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar
—Shakespeare
How can I miss you if you won’t go away?
How immense appear to us the sins that we have not committed.
How you look depends on where you go.
I accept the refugees. You cheat death everyday. There’s danger everywhere but the way you end that is with peace, acceptance and love. And if that kills me, so be it, at least I’m dying with a good heart.
Ayiiia
I am not a crook.
I had to hit him, he was starting to make sense.
I buy too many shoes and not enough clothes.
Ayiiia
I gave her the ring; she gave me the finger.
I have a SPONGE that’s drier behind the ears than you are!
I have a feeling that at any time about three million Americans can be had for any militant reaction against law, decency, the Constitution, the Supreme Court, compassion and the rule of reason.
—John K. Galbraith
I have discovered the art of fooling diplomats: I speak the truth and they never believe me.
—Camillo Di Cavour
I hate when girls say: I need to find the Jay-Z to my Beyoncé. You can’t expect a man like Jay-Z if you’re no where close to being a Beyoncé. Sit down.
Ayiiia
I just DON’T understand human behavior. —C3PO
I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and drove over the embankment.
I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that it took seven others to beat him!
I’d rather go whoring than warring.
—Bill Gray
I’d rather have ‘a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens
—Woody Allen
I’ve seen better heads on a half pint of beer.
IT’S HERE AT LAST: rush job; nobody knew it was coming.
If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + y + Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
—Albert Einstein·
If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?
—Marvin Kitman
If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was bad he should see how bad it is WITH representation. ‘
If a ball rims the cup, it is deemed to have dropped. A ball should not go sideways. This violates the laws of physics.
If a ball stops at the brink of the hole and hangs there, defying gravity, it is deemed to have dropped. You can’t defy the law of gravity. —Donald A. Metz
If a man is happy in his work–exerting himself to the full extent of his capacities, and enjoying it–I’d say he’s a success. —William Romain

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